My mind is shot! This blog is more for me than for the friends that read it because I know one day (like tomorrow) I am not going to be able to remember certain things. I guess I am just so distracted that I can't think.
So anyway, I am just going to be completely honest for a minute. I have had some fearful moments over the last few days and weeks as the end draws near to bring Sasha home. I know it is perfectly normal but I have just been praying and pleading with God to let everything work out with our new family. If there has been something to worry about, then I have worried about it. I have worried about how everyone's going to adjust, I've worried that Sasha would miss Russia and his friends, I have worried about the language barrier, I have worried about finances for tutoring and medical expenses, I have worried about how Sasha will do at the hospital and if he will be mad at me for making him go so soon....basically, you name it, I have probably worried about it at one point or another in the last few days.
So the other night I was taking a hot bath and re-reading this awesome book called "Forgotten God"...it's all about the Holy Spirit. Great, great book....you gotta get it! I had just finished the first chapter and was going to stop and pray and then finish reading in the bed. So I laid there and just begged God to give me some confirmation that I am doing the right thing and that this wasn't just an emotional decision. I prayed that He would calm my fears and remind me that He's got it under control and He doesn't need my help.
I got out of the tub, came down stairs to get something to drink, went back up and laid down to read some more. I opened the book to chapter 2 and you will not believe it....the next chapter was titled "What Are You Afraid Of?"(remember this book is about the Holy Spirit) It was so apparent that God was speaking to me that it was almost freaky.
You know, God should only have to tell us something once, but he knew in my case that reinforcment might be good:) So the next night he reconfirmed that adopting Sasha is his idea not mine. My brother Jeff came by to bring me a birthday present. He said he spent half the night in the book store looking for the perfect book for me....and after reading the back cover of "You were Born for This" he decided this was the one. Listen to this....it says "The truth is, you were born to live a supernatural life doing God's work by God's power. You were born to walk out your door each morning believing that God will use you to deliver a necessary miracle to someone in need...You were born for this!" I know some would just say Im' crazy or that's just coincidental...but I believe with all my heart that these are the exact things that I directly asked God for on Sunday night in the bathtub. CONFIRMATIONS that I am doing what God wants me to do in regards to adopting Sasha. His fingerprints are all over this journey!!!
I could stop there and that could be more than enough from God, but He continued throughout the week to bring reminders to me that I am where I am supposed to be.
I promise, two more examples and I'll stop......So while I was reading the new book that Jeff gave me I remembered two prayers that I have prayed over the past few years and this book triggered those memories which once again confirmed things to me. 1) I use to pray that God would do something so amazing in my life that it could ONLY be explained as a God thing. That my life would be a living testimony without words. 2) There was a popular book a few years ago called "The Prayer of Jabez" and in the prayer I asked God to expand my territory of influence for Him. God has expanded my territory beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Russia??? I did not choose Russia or adoption (ask anybody that knew me a little over a year ago). NO! God sent this precious child from Zelenogorsk, Russia to Loganville, Georgia to pick ME to be his mother. This experience has stretched me far more than I could have ever dreamed. Yet God has been faithful every step of the way and has gone before us and prepared the way and shame on me for doubting.
So to wrap this all up, I just want to say I really do believe I am doing God's will for my life but the enemy can't stand it and so he has to keep me second guessing at every turn.
I guess my request to you is that you would just pray for us....all of us, Kevin Allison, Sasha and me. Pray that we will be reminded daily that this is God's calling on EACH of our lives and that God's peace and provision will reign in our lives.....and that I will just QUIT worrying:)
Love everybody!!!
~Angie